Let’s explore smiles and tears. We usually experience both at a wedding ceremony. We often think of these as manifestations of opposite emotions. During weddings they hopefully both portray joy. Imagine a visitor from another galaxy visiting and us trying to explain this seeming contradiction to them! How would we define when tears are joyful and when they are sad? Or how smiles and tears can show either radically different or similar emotions? Having had time to ponder my own questions I’ll say that for me a smile is pure happiness and delight while joyful tears are triggered when a layer of sentiment or memory are added.
Early in my planning discussions with couples the subject of tears often wells up – a common concern among couples planning their wedding. I share some of my favorite bride and groom crying stories, the point of which is to indicate that I welcome tears. Sometimes they are expected, sometimes quite spontaneous. They are an outward display much broader than any smile.
Tears are infectious. When you see your soon-to-be spouse welling up with tears you are likely to follow. No amount of planning works at this point. Take a deep breath. If you’re speaking your vows you’ll get through it. Trust me, your guests will understand. As your wedding officiant I will slow down and wait for your composure to be regained. This is often a point for me to make a comment to your guests that is light in nature and defuses any tension. Commonly I’ll say something to the effect of, “I’m always relieved when I see tears because they reassure me of the depth of emotion. I see tears as a guarantee of the marriage’s success.” I might further add that “we should all agree to rejoice in tears shed during the ceremony!”
Want more information on this topic? Email Dan at Dan@EmbracingCeremony.com